Opening Up to Vulnerability

This week’s classes focused on opening up to the idea of letting yourself be vulnerable. To me, and maybe to you too, this sounds scary! Vulnerability means that I can get hurt, and I don’t want to. So why even explore this idea? In her book, Daring Greatly, Brené Brown lays it out there: connecting with others gives meaning to our lives, and vulnerability is absolutely necessary for that to happen. But actually doing it still felt scary and difficult and abstract. So, I kept reading, hoping to figure out what vulnerability means to me and how I can start to warm up to the idea of letting myself be vulnerable.

Brené asks her research participants what vulnerability feels like to them. “Terrifying” and “naked” appear a bunch of times in the responses. (37*) To me, vulnerability feels like weakness – being totally exposed and powerless. But Brené whips out her dictionary and explains that being vulnerable means being capable of being wounded, being open to attack. Weakness is an inability to withstand the experience of being attacked or wounded. “Just from a linguistic perspective,” she explains, “it’s clear that these are very different concepts.” She goes on to suggest that “weakness often stems from a lack of vulnerability – when we don’t acknowledge how and where we’re tender, we’re more at risk of being hurt.” (39) Being vulnerable gives us pause because we associate it with all the bad things – fear, grief, disappointment. Attack. Wounding. But Brené reminds us that vulnerability makes space for the positive emotions, too.

“Vulnerability isn’t good or bad: It’s not what we call a dark emotion, nor is it always a light, positive experience. Vulnerability is the core of all emotions and feelings.” – Brené Brown

Brené also asks her research participants to finish the sentence “Vulnerability is…” Here are a few of my favorites: “Sharing an unpopular opinion. Standing up for myself. Asking for help. Saying no. Saying ‘I love you’ first. Getting promoted. Getting fired. Trying something new. Asking for forgiveness. Admitting I’m afraid.” (35) Do any of those sound familiar? They all did to me. A lot of the participants’ answers are incredibly common human experiences. Imagine that someone you love is openly sharing one of these experiences with you. Do you see that as weakness? Brené points out that we are quick to dismiss vulnerability as negative in ourselves, but crave it from others. “We love seeing raw truth and openness in other people, but we’re afraid to let them see it in us. We’re afraid that our truth isn’t enough – that what we have to offer isn’t enough.” (41)

To illustrate her own experience with vulnerability, Brené describes getting ready to give a TED talk, nervous and anxious about delivering her presentation. She sits through all the other talks, looking for something she can use as a template to guarantee her own success. What she found instead was that the talks that resonated the most strongly with her didn’t follow any repeatable format – they were simply genuine. When I read this, I could immediately relate. Although I’ve been teaching yoga for a while, and have been practicing for half my life, getting up in front of the class does not come naturally to me. I don’t enjoy being the center of attention or feeling like I’m on stage. After all the trainings I’ve taken, I haven’t found a magic formula to make my class amazing. I worry that my sequence will suck, my theme won’t land, my students will never come back. But I get up and do it anyway, and I give it everything I have.

As Brené walked up to the stage to give her talk, she asked herself, “What’s worth doing even if I fail?”

“Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding the necessity of both; it’s engaging. It’s being all in.” – Brené Brown

In classes this week, we explored vulnerability through a heart-opening asana practice. The heart is one of the most vulnerable areas of the body, both physically and emotionally. Physically, it’s a vital organ that, if damaged, puts us at great risk. Exposing this part of the body can sometimes feel unsafe. Emotionally, it’s the center of love and connection. In the energy body, a balanced heart chakra allows us to be compassionate with ourselves and to build and maintain strong relationships with others. By drawing our awareness to the heart space and moving this part of the physical body, we are supporting the flow of energy through this area and giving that energy a direction through our intention – opening up to vulnerability.

“When we pretend that we can avoid vulnerability we engage in behaviors that are often inconsistent with who we want to be. Experiencing vulnerability isn’t a choice – the only choice we have is how we’re going to respond when we are confronted with uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” (45)

Will you respond with courage or with fear?

Brené offers us a vulnerability prayer – a mantra: “Give me the courage to show up and let myself be seen.” (42) I offer this to you as a takeaway, something to remind you to practice vulnerability, to respond with courage.

“Vulnerability is life’s great dare. It’s life asking, ‘Are you all in? Can you value your own vulnerability as much as you value it in others?’ Answering yes to these questions is not weakness: it’s courage beyond measure.” – Brené Brown

What does vulnerability mean to you? What does it feel like? How does it feel to embrace vulnerability as a key component of meaningful connection with others, to respond with courage? Please share your experience in the comments below.

*All the quotes are from this book. Page numbers are shown in parentheses.